Posts Categorized: Leadership

Two Teenagers Teach Communication

Meet Amy (left) and my daughter, Gemma. I’m so proud of these two 13 year olds. Why? Because recently, together they were willing to learn some really important life lessons, lessons that I hope will support them throughout the rest of their lives. I also hope they’ll be leaders in school, university and later in life, teaching others the lessons they’ve learned.

And what did they learn?

The art of effective communication to resolve conflict.

Sadly, conflict in relationships occurs all the time. Very few of us are immune to relationships being challenged or, worse, going sour. As a result, friendships wane. Marriages end. Grievances occur in business. Countries go to war.

In my opinion, relationships should be joyous, heart warming, mutually beneficial and nurturing for all. They may not be forever, but while they exist, they should be happy and harmonious.

When things go wrong, I believe there are 5 steps we should follow to move us forward to get us over the hump of the communication and conflict challenge.

Here’s what Gemma and Amy did to restore their friendship.

Step 1: Acknowledge the difficulty
Whether it’s a love, friend or work relationship, when things are difficult, be brave. Be prepared to admit to yourself and the other person that something is wrong in the relationship for you. Don’t just ignore what you’re feeling. You’ll feel a certain sadness, a loss, a lack of energy. Trust your gut instinct. Speak to the other person.

Step 2: Listen… then be heard
Listen to the other person’s point of view, in silence. Don’t interrupt them. Let them speak and feel heard. You will get your turn. While you might not agree with any or all that they say, let them say it. Let them feel valued and listened to. Then you do the same. Speak your truth, gently and kindly.

Step 3: Talk and find common ground
Find common ground. It’s always there if you look for it. What are the things you can agree on?

With Gemma and Amy, the common ground was acknowledging how important their friendship was, and how sad they were feeling that they were not communicating. They missed each other’s friendship. They also worked through the issues they had, ticking off the points they could agree on.

Very often the issues that challenge and destroy relationships are few but are heightened as they grab our attention. Whereas when we work at it, the things that are good in the relationship are far more in number, but get lost in the anger, sadness and devastation.

Step 4: Keep talking and find a way forward
There will be areas you don’t agree on. He says/she says. He did this/she did that. You know how it goes. Attitudes and behaviours may need to change. Trust may be an issue. Forgiveness may be required. That’s normal.

Create a simple plan for how you will move forward with the areas you can’t agree on. Find middle ground. Compromise. Give and take. Nothing is perfect all the time. Movement is important. Desire is critical.

The key is the importance of the relationship to both parties. If it matters, then it should matter that the conflict is resolved. Together both parties must willingly find a way forward to preserve the beauty of what you have by finding solutions to the grey or difficult areas.

Step 5: Take action
Start rebuilding the relationship, the trust, the joy that you once had. If both parties are working on it, the integrity of the relationship will be restored.

Keep talking. Make a date for lunch or dinner; take a walk in the park. Play! Have fun together. Take small steps. Many small steps on the right pathway will achieve the desired end goal – the beauty, comfort and joy of the relationship.

Lessons from our girls
Gemma and Amy went swimming all day yesterday and now have plans to spend loads of time together during the British summer holidays.

They’ve learnt a lot about themselves and each other. They’ve been brave through tears and anger. They’ve moved on. They’ve become role models to their peers. They’re teachers to adults. I love them, their innocence and bravery.

Most importantly, I totally respect Gemma and Amy for taking a stand on the importance of their friendship, and for being willing to be guided in conflict resolution at such a tender and vulnerable age.

Who knows if they will remain lifelong friends? Who cares! For now, they have the beauty, playfulness and happiness of their friendship. I think many adults can take great lessons from these wonderful young women.

Action: How about sharing below the beauty of the relationships you have in your life, be they in love, friendship, work, business, or community. Relationships are one of the key foundations in life.

 

Could some guidance from me be helpful to you?  If so, please arrange a free 30 mins Skype strategy meeting with me.  Here’s my calendar to book a meeting.  I’d love to support you in some way to gain ‘seductive clarity’ in any aspect of your business or life.


A Short Course in Human Relations

I first found this quote almost 30 years ago… forgot about it, and recently found it again.  It was relevant then and still is now, in my opinion.  What are your thoughts on A Short Course in Human Relations?  Would you add anything to it?

A short course in human relations

What Makes Great Entrepreneurial Leaders?

We all know of great entrepreneurial leaders – current and past. What makes them great? What principles have guided them to achieve the beauty of their dreams; their big and magnificent visions?

Firstly, they have the ability to envision their future. They have the audacity and confidence to dream big regardless of how ridiculous their ideas seem at the time.

In my terms great entrepreneurial leaders are alive with possibility of creating something magnificent. I call it Vision – ALIVE™; envisioning the future; the possibility of creating and achieving something magnificent.

So, what is Vision – ALIVE™ in practical terms?

A = Accountable Enrolment: Great entrepreneurial leaders engage with others – team, stakeholders, business partners, community – to create enthusiasm and engagement in the big vision, the big dream they have created. They have such clarity over what is possible that those around them are enrolled in participating in the achievement of the vision. A vision cannot be brought to life by one person alone. It requires a fully enrolled team to transform the vision into a mission to a reality.

L = Living Embodiment: Great entrepreneurial leaders create the footprint for others to follow. They live and breathe the values the entrepreneur wants all others to embody; they lead by example, and as a result, others will want to follow.

I = Individual Empowerment: Great entrepreneurial leaders provides the environment for all to shine; to be accountable for their part in achieving the magnificent vision. They bring together people who are collectively focused and determined to win.

V = Validation and Encouragement: Great entrepreneurial leaders understand the need to validate, support and encourage all those who are a part of the journey towards the achievement of the magnificent vision. This is especially important during times of challenge. Future leaders are created when they are strongly led and encouraged.

E = Evaluation and Improvement: Great entrepreneurial leaders recognise that relentless execution, evaluation and improvement is critical towards making progress and eventually achieving the magnificent vision.

That’s it, the defining principles of great entrepreneurial leaders. How do you measure up? How can you improve your leadership style and skills in order help you achieve the magnificent success you are seeking in your entrepreneurial pursuits?

The most exciting aspect of great leadership is that is can be learned. I am firmly of the view that great entrepreneurial leaders can be bred and are not just born. So, go for it. Become a great entrepreneurial leader.

 

Could some guidance from me be helpful to you?  If so, please arrange a free 30 mins Skype strategy meeting with me.  Here’s my calendar to book a meeting.  I’d love to support you in some way to gain ‘seductive clarity’ in any aspect of your business or life.

 

Other articles on What Makes Successful Entrepreneurs:

Seven Secrets of Super Successful Entrepreneurs
Entrepreneurship vs The Meaning of Life
Entrepreneurial Success Without Fulfilment: Who Wants That?
All Work + Little Play = Boring!
Mega Entrepreneur Defined!
Supercharge Your Profitable Business!
Leadership Qualities
NZ Entrepreneurship Success
Millionaire Mindset
7 Secrets of Business Success
Sir Richard Branson Asks…
Ordinary vs Game Changing
Thriving within the Juggling Act
Business Success and Cookie Dough
What Ice Cream Flavour is Your Business?


Leadership Qualities

Guest blog by Dr Jane Cox

A common myth to dispel at the start is that leadership qualities are the same as the qualities of a good manager – they are not. Some great leaders are good managers, but many good or even great managers, have very little by the way leadership qualities.

Managers get the best out of processes and procedures, leaders get the best out of people.

Leadership qualities can be fluid in definition; in some cases the very qualities that defined a leader’s great leadership qualities in one set of circumstances work against them in another; an obvious example that comes to mind is Winston Churchill, Britain’s Prime Minster during World War II; very few people would argue that his dogged determination and utter single-mindedness was a major factor in the eventual Allied victory, but after the war the public had no appetite for that very same dogmatism and he was effectively thrown out of office.

Which illustrates another key point about leadership qualities – leadership qualities are about taking people willingly along with you, not just telling them what do.

All that said, there are some common traits I think one can define as “leadership qualities”.

These are:

  • Honesty
  • Integrity
  • Ability to admit your mistakes
  • Ability to handle stress
  • Compassion
  • Flexibility
  • Tenacity
  • Mental (if not psychical stamina)

The ones that get missed in most people’s list of leadership qualities are compassion and flexibility, which is why tyrants & bullies often get mistakenly thought of as great leaders – no great leader leads through fear.

I recall some years ago reading an article about two very different heads of businesses.

First was T.J. Rodgers, CEO of Cypress Semiconductors, who was nominated as “America’s toughest boss at the time”. In Fortune magazine he is described as a crypto-sadist!  The plaque above his desk gives you an insight into the man’s character.  It reads, “Be realistic; demand the impossible! “, and demand the impossible he did.  Employees were given short deadlines and, if they were not met, their paycheques were stopped until they had complied.

“Everyone is treated equally in this firm”, said TJ, “my cheque is also stopped if I fail to deliver on time”. Then he added in his inimitable style, “Of course I don’t have to worry about that crap as I am a millionaire”.

Employees didn’t last long as a rule but those who could stand the pace earned top rewards. And the results spoke for themselves.  At the time to company held seventh place in a highly competitive industry.

The other businessman featured was the late Sam Walton, then the richest man in the USA with a personal fortune of $25 billion (at the time the second richest man is only worth a paltry $8 billion!).

Sam’s approach to his Wal-Mart employees was totally different. When his fatal cancer was diagnosed, Sam climbed into his Cessna and spent his last few months visiting as many of his 345,000 Wal-Mart employees as possible.  At these meetings he was hugged and kissed by thousands of tearful people, all of whom loved him dearly.  One of his last comments was, “No man had this much fun making money”.  Starting at the age of 44 he built this business in 30 years through developing loyalty and pride in his people.

Were both men successful? I suppose the answer is “yes” when one relates their achievements entirely to business, building shareholder value and all the other bean-counting measures.

Were both men great leaders? Not in my book.

 

Dr Jane Cox is a business psychologist, who works with large corporates and entrepreneurs, supporting them on a range of business issues, including leadership, communication, performance improvement, and much more. Dr Cox and Adèle McLay are business partners, having created the Millionaire Entrepreneur Business School that is launching in 2015.

 

Other articles on What Makes Successful Entrepreneurs:

Seven Secrets of Super Successful Entrepreneurs
Entrepreneurship vs The Meaning of Life
Mega Entrepreneur Defined!
Supercharge Your Profitable Business!
What Makes Great Entrepreneurial Leaders?
All Work + Little Play = Boring!
Entrepreneurial Success without Fulfilment: Who Wants That?
Millionaire Mindset
NZ Entrepreneurship Success
7 Secrets of Business Success
Sir Richard Branson Asks…
Ordinary vs Game Changing
Thriving within the Juggling Act
Business Success and Cookie Dough
What Ice Cream Flavour is Your Business?