Baby Loss Awareness Week – Why I’m Supporting It
This week is Baby Loss Awareness Week. A week in the calendar that means a great deal to many, and causes confusion, mystery, sympathy and fear for many others.
For me, it is a reminder of what I have been through and what I have overcome. My story is hard to hear, and certainly hard to talk about, but it has recently become something I need to share.
My baby story
I remember the day I lost my first baby as if it were yesterday. The fleeting look in David’s eyes said it all – devastation, disbelief, helplessness. There was nothing he could do or say to make it better or different for either of us. He wanted to soothe my pain. He didn’t know how. He couldn’t. I couldn’t ease his pain either. We just cried and cried. A dream was lost.
Baby two, a little girl, sadly left us while on our honeymoon. It was a devastating end to what had been a magical travel adventure as a family – David, Alex (my stepson) and me.
Baby three, another little girl, was conceived soon after. By then, fear had crept into our lives. Each day she stayed in situ was an achievement. Eventually I dared to believe we’d be cuddling this baby in our arms. Please God, let it be third time lucky.
And it was. The relief was overwhelming. On 13 February Gemma entered our world and changed it forever. Our hearts overflowed with love for our precious baby girl as we met and held her for the very first time. Gemma, our gem, is and will always be our treasure.
There was a short reprieve from the rollercoaster. What joy we experienced each day – our family of four. She was worth the wait.
At 40 years old I closed my company making all my staff redundant so I could spend time at home being a mum and making more babies. For me, a woman firmly committed to her career, that was a monumental decision.
Over the next three years, we conceived a further nine babies. Our last pregnancy was triplets. I’ve never ever felt so sad, so angry, so lost, so hopeless as I did when our triplets left us.
I still remember each moment we discovered I was pregnant. I’m a ‘cup overfloweth’ kind of gal…. so I was always joyful, excited and hopeful. And then totally devastated.
Our baby journey continued for another 10 years, sadly without success. Twelve babies created in love. Eleven babies never held in our arms. Gemma wouldn’t realise her dream of being a ‘big sister’, and no matter how hard we tried, we couldn’t deliver our own dream – a family of six – David, me and four kids. Please, why us?
We’ll never know the answer to that question.
Moving on
Over time, I learnt how to move on – to be grateful for all that I and we have. It took time to get there. The loss of a baby is heartbreaking. It’s something we never forget – some of us never get over it.
It leaves others feeling inadequate too. They don’t know what to say or do to help or support us. Often we close down – we don’t talk about it. But we need to.
We need to find our voice to help us grieve and move on in the beauty of what life has to offer.
Baby Loss Awareness Week
That’s why I’m supporting Baby Loss Awareness Week this week (9-15 October). I hope my vulnerability and perhaps bravery in sharing my very private and painful story will help another woman, man or family to heal, to move forward, to find joy in their lives.
On Saturday, 15 October I’ll be taking part in the international wave of light. I’ll be lighting 11 candles in memory of each of our babies who died too soon, and in memory of all the other babies who left their families too soon.
Help someone else
You may know someone who has lost a baby too. If so, please feel free to share this blog with them. I hope in some small way sharing my story may help them by knowing they can connect with someone who’s been on the same journey.
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Thank you so much for reading my story.
Love
Adèle xx
